Confusion and frustration ...

Adele - Now and then <3

Sometimes the hole you left hurts my heart so bad
It cuts through the deepest parts of me
And fills up my mouth with words that I cry
How I'm still trying to stay inside

Hearts break and hands wave
To make us grow from dust
Then our eyes cry and souls sigh
So that we know that it hurts

Our hearts break and hands wave
To make us grow from dust
Then our eyes cry and souls sigh
So that we know that it hurts

Every now and then my memories ache
With the empty ideas of the ones we'd made
But as time goes on and my age gets older
I love the ones I know, they're enough to picture the rest

'Cause heart break and hands wave
To make us grow from dust
Then our eyes cry and souls sigh
So that we know that it hurts

Our hearts break and hands wave
To make us grow from dust
Then our eyes cry and souls sigh
So that we know that it hurts

You know when to make me, I might just your heal

The beginning of me ..

I promise to :
Never doubt myself
Never blame myself
Never make myself feel low
Never trust anyone until they prove themselves
Never tell someone my feelings unless they show they are worth knowing them
Never let my friends take advantage of me
Always tell the truth even when it isnt needed
Say things how it is/how I see it
Confront people when I have a problem
And to always be honest and positive to myself <3

So over you ..

Well its been a while since I posted on here, and since then I've moved back home, ended a relationship and started back at university, oh and got my old job back =D .. I wanted to post something I wrote at the end of a chapter in my life that I now call "the worst mistake of my life" ! ... So here goes .

Because I regret what I did with you and because I regret ever being with you!
My life has changed for the better, you where my biggest mistake in life.
You made me realise I have to higher my standards and to not trust anyone unless the prove themselves to me.To never rush something because it felt right, to look for the signs in between the lines, to make sure the next person who comes along is the total opposite to you!
With you I thought I had it all and I was complete, how could I have ever have told myself that and fall for all your lies and decete?
Urgh .. dont get me wrong I have learnt from my mistakes and you gave me an experience I will never forget, I now look at you and what we had and think to myself how I have come out so much better, learnt not to ever get myself in that mess and be so stupid, no thats not a negative gain from the whole chapter of my life with you its a positive because.... now IM FREE and now IM ME !

A broken heart

I can only be myself I can’t give anymore

Sometimes I wish I could just walk out that front door

It could be so simple yet you make it so hard

All the lies you’ve told, you’ve left me scarred

Happiness is what I want with you

But the words you say I always doubt are true

I often think where it all went wrong

The love I thought I felt for you was so strong

To you things are small to me things are big

You just dismiss me, you prig !

thinking again ?!

When there are questions that need to be answered or that you want to be answered, are you supposed to ask them? I think not because anybody can answer your questions, they can tell you the truth, tell you a lie, and tell you something that is totally irrelevant to what you want to know the answer too. So why ask questions and why create them when you are never guaranteed to get the answers you need. Is this why trial and error was created as we need to test something, get it wrong and then learn from these errors? Or do we ever find the right answers? And do we just convince ourselves at that moment in time that they are right? So after this, will I still be asking what if? Will I know where to turn too? Will I find my answers to my unanswered questions? Will the person I want to be there for me ever be there? Will I always shut off and just speak to myself and become so stubbornly independent? Too many what if’s, too many why’s, too many who’s, too many when’s…..

eerrr

When it comes to feelings and thoughts and emotions, how are you supposed to express them? Well if you think you are angry apparently you are supposed to have emotions that are angry and these you portray, and people can see that you are feeling that way. Well why is it that I have become so good at hiding feelings thoughts and emotions? I don’t see the need to express these anymore as I can feel them for myself and nobody can tell me that I am wrong, behaving silly or being a complete idiot. I can therefore judge myself and the whole situation, nobody else. I believe when you shut off yourself from everybody else that you become a stronger person, whereas other people see this as becoming a weaker person. My experiences have taught me to behave in a closed manor, as the more I open up the worse I seem to get, the more people can judge me and the more they can interfere when they know my business.

bllaaahhh

When imagination is triggered is it because the life you have and the people around you aren’t enough? Do you need some fulfilment in life that you are not getting? Are dreams the same? They are supposed to be formed from things that you have done in the day, but somehow I believe that they are formed out of confusion and imagination of things you need, feel, miss or want. They can never be interpreted or related to straight away. You always need to dig deeper. Striving for things in life like success is something that is supposed to get you wherever you want to be, but I feel this strive for success gets your somewhere partially, as I believe you are never supposed to be in the same place for so long. I wish I could pick my belongings up and move away, just live in an imaginary world where success isn’t needed to become someone, where you already are somebody and have everything you want and need at that moment in time. All the emotions that are expressed in everyday life are just a taster of the real emotions and feelings you can get in your own imagination. Why settle for second best when you can give yourself a hell of a lot more?